To the frontline staff and community, I would like wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
About 11 years ago, I changed the wording of 'Twas a Night Before Christmas to ask for a Christmas bonus for a company I worked for. I got laughs but no bonus. However, every year I was asked to do a new version. Did that for seven years and I since I really don't feel like doing actual work today, please enjoy this year's version.
I hope everyone has a great Christmas.
**Note this has no reflection on my view or opinion on Shaw, it is just a poem and it is just where the writing took me.
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
All eyes were looking at the street in a stare
in hopes that a Shaw repairman soon would be there.
The family was panicking, going out of their heads
while visions of no Internet danced in their heads.
And Mama with her ‘nog, and I with my beer,
had just settled our brains for a lot of Christmas cheer.
When out on the street there arose such a chatter,
I stumbled from my chair to see what all the clatter.
Away to the window I tripped like a tool,
busted open the shutter, definitely looked like a fool.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
gave the lustre of midday to objects below,
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a Shaw cable-van, I’m sure, yes..yay, Oh...sliding into our miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
With a shocked driver, so livid and cursing,
He picked up his phone, so he must be conversing.
More foul language than a sailor, he called back to the office
and he whistled and shouted and called out blame:
"I crashed by chance!
No!, Snow and Ice!
On, Come on! Don’t be stupid
On the lawn, No,I hit it right on!
I missed the porch!
And the retaining wall!
Happened in a flash. Lawn ornaments are trashed!
Totally smashed, yup all."
As he hung up the phone and closed his eyes
when people with an obstacle, look to the sky
and up to our window he viewed,
with the a clipboard in hand, and wave of a finger, I think he said “Found You”.
And then, in a bang, he was outside the van, avoiding the mess
the shaking and yanking of a ladder that had fallen from the crest.
As I drew in my head and was turning around,
the door thudded as the Shaw guy began to pound.
He was dressed in all blue, from his head to his foot,
and his clothes were a little wet and muddy from slipping in the dirt.
We hope he brought his gadgets tucked in his pack
to give us our Internet access back.
His eyes--how they wrinkled! His face, well, he didn’t look merry.
His cheeks were a little scratched, his nose like a cherry.
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a frown,
and the blood on his chin was trickling slowly down.
The stump of a tooth he held tight in his hand,
and the anger he exuded when all he did was scan.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
he shook his head and grimaced, looked at us like we were idiots.
I was drunk and hungry, and ‘Mama was flirty,
and I tried not to laugh when I saw him, even though was dirty.
A glare of his eye and a twist of his head
he brushed right by me and muttered like he was ‘Judge Dredd’.
He spoke barely a word, but went straight to his work,
and reached behind all our presents, then turned with a jerk.
And raising his middle finger in front of his nose,
he plugged in our modem making our Internet work.